Improper Use of Fireworks
I was just drifting into sleep at about half past one this morning when a neighbour thoughtfully let off a handful of fireworks. Fireworks! Whistling fireworks!
The human mind is a perplexing thing. I think mine was getting ready to sort through the day’s information while I dozed, but when I was been yanked back to full consciousness my recharging stopped while my mental stock-taking continued. Try as I might, I can’t get back to sleep because I’m pondering questions with no answers. Have I done the right thing moving to the US with Courtney? Is there any point in me chasing my movie-making dream? Would I be working towards my goals better if I were on some kind of course? Am I allowed to feel bitter because Courtney’s working on her passion while I’ve been stalled for two years? Is there any way we can both make progress and live together? What concessions can I ask her to make for my sake, and if I get them, will I just waste the opportunity?
As if these weren’t enough, every now and then I return to the big question: shouldn’t I be at home sorting things out with my family?
So here’s a big thanks to the arsehole with the fireworks for throwing my tired brain into existential crisis. Cheers, mate. If I ever find out who you are I’ll put a rattlesnake in your bed.
“it’s better to regret something you did than something you didn’t do”
I’ve had similar thoughts manytimes over the past few years. I keep wondering what would have happened if I hadn’t moved to the UK and all that, but I’ve had some good experiences (meeting you’s one of them!) and some bad ones but it’s just part of you basically so take things as they come for now but we’ll talk about all this when I see you anyway…
Yeah. I’m actually a lot more upbeat than the post sounds. Bear in mind it was written at a time in the morning when my brain chemistry was all cocked up. The next morning I was much more upbeat about everything. We’ve been thinking of ways to make everything work for both mine and Courtney’s advantage, and we’ll keep thinking of them. Right now, the best thing for me will be to get hold of a DV camera, start teaching myself cinematography, and get a few low budget shoots off the ground. Once I’m in a position where I spend the majority of my day doing something I care about (rather than just serving coffee and pastries) then my progress will be a lot more rapid than it has been of late, and I’ll be a very happy bunny indeed.
Oh, and there are other plans afoot, but I’ve not wanted to mention them on here in case it jinxes me.