“Super” bowl

Picture this:

Sexy all-American girl (white skin, blonde hair, wide mouth) sitting astride a supersized bucking bronco machine, holding supersized burger. A bluesy rawk riff chugs and stomps in the background. The bronco bucks in gelatinous slo-mo. The girl sways atop, one hand in the air, the other still wrapped around the burger. Burger gets bitten, swallowed. Creamy oesophagus. Close-up of denim clad rump. Finally the girl, looking sultry to camera, pokes tongue from between glistening lips to lick grease from her fingers. Fade to black. Caption: "Eat right. Exercise more."

I wish I’d made up this cretinous conflation of bad food, bad music, patriotic schmaltz and cheap sexpolitation, but it was just on the telly. Another reason I don’t like the Superbowl, besides the fact that the sport itself is MONUMENTALLY boring. And of course, it’s being shown on "Faahx" this year so the opening ceremony was full of war veterans and a choir of wholesome young things in uniform. No boobs this year. No siree. We’re going to keep this thing wholesome.